Miracle of Forgiveness

What is the Body?

The teachings of A Course in Miracles help us to distinguish what is real and unreal (knowledge and perception). The world we perceive (the world of time and change, of beginnings and endings) is based on our interpretation. It is a world of birth and death, scarcity, loss, and separation. It is a learned perception, inaccurate and unstable. What perception sees and hears appears to be real because it permits into awareness only the wishes of the perceiver, leading to a world of illusions, which needs constant defense.

The ego's domain of guilt and fear (an unhealed mind) has us convinced that the body is a separate entity from the mind. Until we finally accept that body and mind are together within the mind, the illusory cycle of birth and death will continue … the last Special Relationship to be healed.

"Each lily of forgiveness offers all the world the silent miracle of love." (L-341.13)

A miracle is a correction reminding the mind that what it sees is false, undoing the error. Not attempting to exceed the function for forgiveness, it stays within the limits of 'time'. Forgiveness is the home of miracles.

We go through our illusory lives, the ego mind or 'small self' unconsciously pushing and packing unwanted emotions and feelings away, that we just don't want to deal with. While in theory, it seems like a good plan of action, it is in actuality causing havoc in 'the world' and keeping us away from experiencing true peace and joy.

When one becomes a student of A Course in Miracles, they can be assured that life as they have known it will shift and change. The familiar will start to fall away, as the ego mind twists and churns in childlike tantrums. False beliefs and concepts are being flushed out of hiding. Some of the changes are subtle, while others are of significance.

A couple of years ago, for me, the onset of this shift was soon in motion and there was no turning back. I sold my house and moved closer to my parents to help them out. About three months after the move, my parents started receiving help from various outside sources, therefore no longer requiring my assistance. There was a lot of pent up anger, rage and resentment being flushed up, which was directed towards them and the situation, even at the course. I resented the fact that I had come into contact with A Course in Miracles, as if it were some ancient curse.

Though subsconsciously, I was still using the tools. My mind was flitting through thoughts such as, you did this, you created this mess, you can't undo it, what now! I then turned that anger and rage towards myself, realizing that I was responsible for creating the situations outside myself, all the while the ego is screaming, "Look what YOU'VE done … this is SACRIFICE".

This dis-ease became a disease, and the body became very sick. I lost hair by the handfuls, weight dropped to 94 lbs, was dehydrated, and heart racing. After being diagnosed with Graves Disease and prescribed medication, my health was still on the decline. I felt like I was literally disappearing - the ego wanted to obliterate me.




A couple of months into this, my health was still declining. I worked at trying to forgive the illness, the fact that I was taking medication (magic), and even the fact that someone had to 'care' for me. I was too weak to care for myself, to walk, or even immerse myself in conversation (I felt like death), so was staying with a friend. One evening, while sitting near the computer as my friend was conversing with another friend via skype about the course, there was some mention of 'guilt' and 'magic'. Suddenly, the 'light switch' went on for me. I then realized that it was the guilt that I needed to forgive; not the illness or the medication. I had to go deeper and forgive the guilt that I was holding onto.

I went to bed that night and I listed off everything that I felt guilty about and everyone I was angry with, including myself, and sincerely forgave. Following that, I gave gratitude for everything that was given or shown to me. The next morning when I got, I immediately knew there was something different; I could feel the life back in my body. I went downstairs, had a coffee, chatted for awhile, then said, "You know, I feel great, I think I'm going to go home."

Related post: People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health

"The body is a fence the Son of God imagines he has built, to separate parts of his Self from other parts. It is within this fence he thinks he lives, to die as it decays and crumbles. For within this fence he thinks that he is safe from love. Identifying with his safety, he regards himself as what his safety is. How else could he be certain he remains within the body, keeping love outside?

The body will not stay. Yet this he sees as double safety. For the Son of God's impermanence is "proof" his fences work, and do the task his mind assigns to them. For if his oneness still remained untouched, who could attack and who could be attacked? Who could be victor? Who could be his prey? Who could be victim? Who the murderer? And if he did not die, what "proof" is there that God's eternal Son can be destroyed?

The body is a dream. Like other dreams it sometimes seems to picture happiness, but can quite suddenly revert to fear, where every dream is born. For only love creates in truth, and truth can never fear. Made to be fearful, must the body serve the purpose given it. But we can change the purpose that the body will obey by changing what we think that it is for.

The body is the means by which God's Son returns to sanity. Though it was made to fence him into hell without escape, yet has the goal of Heaven been exchanged for the pursuit of hell. The Son of God extends his hand to reach his brother, and to help him walk along the road with him. Now is the body holy. Now it serves to heal the mind that it was made to kill.

You will identify with what you think will make you safe. Whatever it may be, you will believe that it is one with you. Your safety lies in truth, and not in lies. Love is your safety. Fear does not exist. Identify with love, and you are safe. Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self." (L-261.5)

Retreat at La Casa: Releasing Emotions

David and Michael lead a morning session about allowance of emotions to release the stories of the personality self. Healing abounds and need not be avoided. There is never a need to compromise when healing is the Purpose (English with Spanish translation).

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People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health

People pleasers are the nicest people you will meet. They just can't say 'no' to anyone. They are always there to help or do whatever is asked of them. They avoid getting angry because they don't want to 'rock the boat'. People pleasers are not confrontational and will go out of their way to avoid it at all costs. They spend a tremendous amount of time doing things for other people.

These sound like wonderful qualities to have … right? Well NO … not really!!

People pleasers have a deep underlying fear of rejection, being provided with only 'conditional' love, in which they may have been rejected or abandoned, or threatened with such if they didn't succumb to following through on some request. If severely punished or criticised for even the most trivial mistakes, a fear of failure will also develop.

Tendencies toward becoming a people pleaser are constructed over time. Experiences we have in our early formative years imprint us with our personalities or character traits. Parents or caregivers were most likely overly critical and emotionally unavailable. Unfavorable criticism and punishment can lead to significant anxiety upon attempting tasks.

I'm not suggesting one stop helping people altogether. Wanting to help and care for others isn't all bad, your heart is in the right place, but there has to be a healthy balance.

People pleasers tend to neglect themselves and their own needs; suffer from stress and depression; and become a 'door mat' for others. They are usually passive aggressive and become resentful of people, rarely enjoying most activities.

The universe will continually bring situations or contrasting personalities (people who take advantage of others) into our awareness until we finally get it! Each time it will be more pronounced ... louder and louder until it's screaming at us to wake up and listen!

Personally, I know it's difficult to change or let go of certain defining parts of our persona. I would consider myself to have been one of the utmost of people pleasers! It wasn't that long ago that I finally woke up to this and took a good long look at my history of what it meant to be 'nice'. I was the type of person that hated to think the worst of people, and unendingly kept getting pulled into scenarios where I felt I was being manipulated.

I had a family member move in a couple of blocks from me. He had called me one evening, asking what I was doing on such and such an evening. I responded with, "I don't have anything planned, what's up (thinking he was going to invite me to do get together with him and his wife)?" He then asked if I would mind babysitting. Of course my enthusiasm dropped like a rock. The second time he calls, I fall for it again. In both instances, I had already confirmed that I didn't have plans, so I felt obligated to do something that I didn't really want to do. Previous to this, it would be unusual to hear from him. It's usually a good sign that if someone starts calling you asking for a favour, it will be the same thereafter. So the third time, I was prepared and when asked what I was doing on a particular evening, I responded with, "I have plans and won't be available that night." Eventually he stopped calling.

Similar instances would occur at work as well. When my work was completed, I would offer to take on work from others that were extremely busy. Eventually these extra tasks would become my sole responsibility. Now, you can watch the ego mind at play here, at first feeling flattered and appreciated. But as more tasks came my way, I found I was working extra hours in the evening, and on the weekends just to keep up. Working late, six or seven days a week eventually became the norm so that by the time I got home, I would have just enough time to eat, take a shower and go to bed to get up the next morning. The job was consuming me and my life. I was becoming depressed and stressed. My passive-aggressive self did not handle things very well, and I eventually left the job.

Another family member, for over a period of two years, had been sending emails almost daily stating that they were having a difficult time with this, a hard time with that. I would offer suggestions but they would go unheeded and peter out into the great abyss. So then I had the brilliant idea to sell my house and move closer to 'help out'. Approximately three months after the move, it became evident that I was no longer needed. Here I was unemployed and seemingly in the middle of nowhere, so I made the decision to move back from whence I came. It would be a couple of months before I could get all my ducks in a row, and in the meantime I began a ritual of self-abasement. I was eventually enveloped in an overwhelming depression, which caused me to become quite ill.

Now the universe is screaming at me, and I'm finally starting to listen.

By the time I was moved back to the city, my health was deteriorating by the day. My hair was falling out by the handfuls, excessive sweating, extreme weight loss despite my appetite, extreme muscle weakness, and increased heart rate. After a couple of visits to emergency, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, which can be triggered due to stress. Despite being prescribed medication, my health continued to decline until I weighed a mere 94 lbs (5'7"). Again, in the midst of a thyroid storm (a severe and life-threatening complication of the thyroid condition), I was back in the  emergency room.

It would be a couple of days later that the 'light switch' finally went on. I am a student of A Course in Miracles, which is a spiritual self-study curriculum of self-transformation and forgiveness. Temporarily shunning the course, it was in this instant that I realized or remembered that 'I' am accountable for what occurs in my outer world, by what is held within: beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions. In order to heal one must have a change of mind, a reversal of thought. No one was at fault for how 'I' chose to perceive my circumstances and the decisions I chose to make. We ultimately teach people how to treat us. You may also be interested in reading my post on Miracle of Forgiveness for the transformation in healing.




I'm not advocating that we should stop being nice, but rather to work at 'balancing' things out. There are many ways one can be helpful without destroying your life or health. By not giving our power away, we always had and have a choice to do what 'feels' right for us.

A few situations where 'nice' doesn't feel akin to being taken advantage of, is travelling on the transit and being comfortably seated while there is standing room only left (because who really likes to stand up on a moving vehicle) and giving my seat up to someone who is on crutches, a woman that is visibly pregnant, an elderly person, or a visually impaired person; or if I'm a few feet away and I happen to see a delivery person or someone trying to get a door open while struggling with an arm load of parcels or groceries, I will go back and assist them.

Related post: Love Yourself First - Your Most Important Relationship.

I was always the go to person, only because I constantly gave of myself. But our number one priority is self-love. We can't give what we don't possess.

Love Yourself First - Your Most Important Relationship

Self-love is the love of oneself, being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses. To love yourself means caring about, taking responsibility for, respecting, and knowing your true 'self'. In order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way.

Self-love is not the same as being egocentric or narcissistic. These traits are actually the opposite of self-love. People who don't love themselves project this false self-image out to others in order to receive the admiration they desire, but they aren't happy within.

"Self-betrayal is a grievous matter. It rots the mind like cancer. The remedy lies in clarity and integrity of thinking. Try to understand that you live in a world of illusions, examine them and uncover their roots. The very attempt to do so will make you earnest, for there is bliss in right endeavor.” ~Nisargadatta

This is true … to 'not' love yourself is self-betrayal. I had such self-hate that I spent much of my life battling depression, food issues, and lashing out at people … not letting too many people get too close. I simply did not have the tools or the know how to help me deal with my emotions.

I grew up in a family of six, my three younger brothers, and my parents Being the oldest and the only female, I was treated differently. However, my parents would and have disputed that. My parents favored my two youngest brothers. Nothing I said or did was good enough or right enough. I just never fit in. I became outspoken and rebellious , and out-of-control, until I couldn't take it any longer. So at seventeen, I packed up a few things and left.

By this time, my destiny seemed to be cast in stone, continuing through a life of unworthiness. I would look for love in all the wrong places, attracting relationships that were reminiscent of my family. I ended up in an eight year relationship with a man that was emotionally and physically abusive. I asked myself, why and what was it all for? In my early thirties now, I finally had hit my breaking point, and made the decision to end that relationship, more for my daughter than for myself. Nonetheless, this decision would be the catalyst that would change my life and myself.

It certainly wasn't an overnight transition. The years of building layer upon layer of self-hatred and self-sabotage, like rings on a tree trunk, now had to be peeled away. It's an ongoing process day after day, month after month, and year after year.

Looking back, I have no regrets. All has been forgiven. Everything that has happened in my life has made me the person I am today. I am a stronger person for it all. I refuse to shrink or make myself small for someone else's comfort or for people who refuse to grow.

So how does one go about transitioning from self-hate to self-love? Take one, two, or three things and work with it. A sense of accomplishment can also boost one's self-esteem. Trying to make a 180 degree turn all at once may become overwhelming.

1. Acknowledgement

Acknowledging how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself is a good starting point. How you feel about yourself is shown to you in the world around you. The conflict outside you is the conflict inside you--they are not separate.

2. Forgiveness

Forgiving those who have hurt you is a key component to healing. Parents, caregivers, spouses, friends, etc. are dealing with their own childhood grievances and issues of self-hatred, projecting it out onto those around them. Forgive yourself! You did not have the tools or knowledge to deal with your own and everyone else's emotions.

3. Journaling

This is a great way to express yourself , helping you gain a new perspective, changing negative thought patterns, and stopping your inner critic from holding you back.

4. Meditation

There are many benefits to meditating. Resting your mind in silence and peace, meditation can help you become more aware, consciousness, bringing you into the body and strengthening the immune system. The body loves your attention … every cell awakens.

“In meditation, healing can happen. When the mind is calm, alert and totally contented, then it is like a laser beam – it is very powerful and healing can happen.” - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

5. Creativity / Fun

Spend time having 'fun' … life should be enjoyed. Most of us have a passion for something. I had always admired people who could paint and wished that I could. I would tell myself that I can't draw, so I couldn't paint. Then a couple of years ago, I decided to at least try … the world won't fall apart. I looked up some videos on youtube, and I was off buying art supplies.

I'm no Michelangelo or Monet, but I thoroughly enjoy painting, and that's what counts. It's something close to a meditation for me. I can lose myself in it. You can view my video album of my 'artwork' here, if you wish.

6. Clean House

I find that having my house in disarray affects my mood. I put on some upbeat music and get to it. Once I'm finished cleaning I feel much better. Getting rid of stuff that you don't use is great for lifting your spirits too. I do this about once a year and have even found things I didn't even remember I had let alone didn't use any longer. Someone else could make better use of something that is just collecting dust otherwise.

7. Have a Cause

Find a cause that you are passionate about. It doesn't have to be anything grandiose, every small thing that we can do to help another can be a 'big' contribution. Small acts when multiplied by millions of people can transform the world. I am an animal lover, and I think I would adopt every one that needed a home if I could. I have recently started signing every petition that comes into my awareness. My one signature, in the end, may make all the difference for that particular cause. It's not a big thing, but I feel better doing something for another being.

8. Eating Right

I have recently become a vegetarian. I have to admit, however, that it wasn't for the health benefits, even though that is a big plus. I would often see these videos or information come through my timeline on facebook about the atrocities of which factory farm animals face, but could never bring myself to watch them due to my discomfort of 'knowing' what I might see. I was also aware of the guilt that was arising within me from avoiding the situation. So finally, I 'prepared' myself to watch a few of the videos, and it was after that when I made my decision to become a vegetarian.

9. Self-Discipline

Practicing self-discipline or self-control (staying motivated and on track) is a sign of inner strength and can be great for boosting your self-esteem. This inner strength will help you to overcome procrastination and provide will-power to overcome any addicting habits. (Still working on this one.)

10. Getting Enough Sleep

I think most of us are aware that if we don't get proper rest, we can become our 'evil twin'. We go through the day 'unconsciously'—being unaware and just going through the motions. We might do things without thinking it through, we become easily triggered in anger or other emotional outbursts. Getting proper rest makes for a healthy mind and body.

11. Being Alone Doesn't Mean Lonely

When I first got divorced, I felt 'embarrassed' about not being in a relationship, about going out and about by myself. Well, I gave those thoughts up long ago. What someone else thinks of me has no impact any longer. Most of those thoughts were created in my own mind anyway. And if someone does have issues with someone being alone, it is a reflection of their own insecurities. Spending time alone is significant in nurturing your relationship with yourself. As a matter of fact, it is crucial to spend time alone with yourself. How better to get to know the real you. I'm living my life happily and I quite enjoy my own company now. I don't have to answer to anyone, I can come and go as I please … I am my own person.

12. No People Pleasing

If you have plans or just don't feel like doing something … don't. We tend to want people to like us, or just don't want to rock the boat so we continuously put our own needs and wants aside. Most people won't appreciate your sacrifices. Some people will tend to think you should always be there for them without any consideration of you. You will, in all likelihood, tend to be the person who feels like they are being used or manipulated and you won't be happy. And when you do refuse to set your life aside, there is no need for explaining yourself.

We teach people how to treat us. If we don't have self-respect, neither will anyone else respect us. During the process of this transition, you will likely have family and 'friends' fall away out of your life. This has been the case for me, but as I mentioned earlier on, I refuse to shrink or make myself small for someone else's comfort or for people who refuse to grow. If someone wants to be in my life and treat me with the respect I deserve, they will be there … if not, they won't. I can only change myself, I have no control over anyone else, nor would I want to.


See also post on People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health.

Good luck on your journey of 'self' discovery and transition.

Art Video Album

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ~ Thomas Merton

10 Day Devotional - November 2013

"Love Is Now"

My Introduction to A Course In Miracles

It was around 2008 or 2009, I had never heard of A Course in Miracles until a long time friend of mine brought it to my attention. She had the 'miracle book' in her possession for many years when she decided it was time to start reading the text and applying the lessons. She had explained a bit about how she came upon the book, and briefly what it entailed. It wasn't long after that I became the recipient of the 'big blue book' as a birthday gift from her.

I took the book home, but it would be a few days (maybe weeks) before I had the interest to open it up and start reading it. I got through the first few pages, and thought to myself … what IS this? I quickly lost interest, unlike my friend who seemed quite enamoured with the book. I for, whatever reason ... resistance I guess, could not absorb the message in the context it was written. To me, it was like reading Shakespeare, which I am not a fan of! That book wasn't long going back on the shelf, there to sit for approximately a year, untouched.

My friend and I had both been searching for meaning and purpose in life for many years. We started with the idea of feng shui, a Chinese thought system which considers spatial arrangement in relation to energy flow and favorable and unfavorable effects taken into account. Leaving feng shui in the dust, we went on to follow Wayne Dwyer on PBS reading some of his books, as well as Louise Hay, Caroline Myss, Byron Katie, Law of Attraction (Esther and Jerry Hicks) and Eckhart Tolle. It wasn't until we (or my friend) came across videos of David Hoffmeister on youtube, when we became enthralled with David. His teachings seemed to be the catalyst to directing me back at another attempt to reading the text of A Course in Miracles.

I was still having a difficult time grappling with understanding the text. This book just wasn't resonating with me at all! With a couple of chapters behind me, I came across an interview by Kenneth Bok. He was interviewing a gentleman (whom I cannot not remember), but he was explaining his theory on reading A Course in Miracles. Also, having a difficult time understanding the text, and after having his book sitting on the shelf for a lengthy period, he decided to just read through it, as some of it was bound to 'stick'. I decided that this would be my approach from here on forward … to continue trudging through the text in the hopes that I would pick up something from it. I wasn't working then, so would make the experience as pleasant as possible. It was a beautiful summer, and I would venture outside to sit in the yard where I could enjoy the sunshine and the birds singing in the background while I read. I read through a couple of sections daily, and most days did the lessons as well as listening to David's talks on youtube. I can't remember how long it took, but I finally made it to the end, still with the lessons incomplete, but none-the-less, I had accomplished it! I'm not sure, however, if I had retained anything at this point.

It was sometime shortly after that I was introduced to Gary Renard (via the internet) and his book The Disappearance of the Universe. I made the decision to get this book due to its promotion as a supplement to understanding the principles of A Course in Miracles. Even though at times sceptical, I found the book to make the world of difference in my comprehension of the teachings.

It was some time later (a couple of years from my initial introduction to this path) that I would pick up the course book and read through the chapters once again (still working on the lessons). To my surprise and delight, it was like reading a completely different book. I was hooked!

Looking back, I now understand that everything on my path was presented to me, in timely fashion, to bring me to this point of understanding. Everything happens perfectly … the Holy Spirit meets you where you are at … always! One just has to be open to receive.

"The Holy Spirit mediates between illusions and the truth. Since He must bridge the gap between reality and dreams, perception leads to knowledge through the grace that God has given Him, to be His gift to everyone who turns to Him for truth. Across the bridge that He provides are dreams all carried to the truth, to be dispelled before the light of knowledge. There are sights and sounds forever laid aside. And where they were perceived before, forgiveness has made possible perception's tranquil end." (L-281.p7)

I am now a full fledge student living A Course in Miracles teachings. I am currently working on the Mystical Mind Training program (a practical multimedia training program which helps ministerial trainees, miracle workers and teachers of God experience inner peace), have attended retreats, as well as participate in volunteering with transcribing and assist with the restructuring of the Movie Watcher's Guide to Enlightenment (watching your emotions during a movie and releasing what is coming up, can speed up the awakening process).

A Course in Miracles shows us the way out of suffering and into a true place of peace and joy. The only way to experience that amazing healing is to live the teachings day by day.

Chunky Mushroom Chowder

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Serves: (8)

Serve this low fat, hearty Italian style soup with a green salad and crusty whole wheat roll for a quick comforting meal. Vary the amount of red pepper flakes according to taste preference.




Ingredients:

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 lb sliced fresh mushrooms
2 cups chopped chives or leeks
(white part only, about 1 large)
1 large potato, peeled and diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon basil
1⁄4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
2 cups water
2 cups frozen corn kernels (or canned)
1 (796 ml) can diced tomatoes
1⁄2 teaspoon salt
1⁄4 teaspoon pepper
1⁄3 cup chopped parsley (optional)

Directions:

1. In large saucepan heat oil over medium heat; add mushrooms, chives/leeks, potato, garlic, oregano, basil and red pepper flakes; sauté about 5 minutes. Add water and corn; bring to boil and cover. Lower heat and simmer about 5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Stir in tomatoes, salt and pepper. Bring to boil; lower heat to simmer for about 10 minutes or until hot. Stir in parsley if desired.

Optional: Garnish with grated mozzarella or parmesan cheese.