The True Meaning of Easter

Chocolate is undoubtedly one of life's great pleasures, and without fail, shopping malls will be landlocked with parents and grandparents purchasing their lot of the chocolate bounty.  A staggering amount, alone, will be purchased and consumed for this weekend's Easter holiday. According to the National Retail Association, Americans spent $16.8 billion on chocolate last Easter.

So what's the deal with the bunny and the egg at Easter? Well let's take a moment to reflect on the true meaning and symbolism of Easter:

The Easter Bunny or Easter Hare, as a symbol of Easter, is depicted as a rabbit bringing Easter eggs, originating among German Lutherans. The "Easter Hare" originally played the role of a judge, evaluating whether children were good or disobedient in behavior at the start of the season of Eastertide.

In Christianity, for the celebration of Eastertide, Easter eggs symbolize the empty tomb of Jesus. An egg appears to be like the stone of a tomb. A bird hatches from the egg with life; in which the Easter egg, for Christians, is a reminder that Jesus rose from the grave, and those who believe will also experience eternal life.

In A Course in Miracles, Jesus tells us that the crucifixion is not as important as the resurrection. The crucifixion was a demonstration to us that the horrific assault of the ego does not matter. Easter is a celebration of victory of acceptance and truth; and for us to not to brood over the crucifixion, but instead to celebrate his release.

"This week begins with palms and ends with lilies, the white and holy sign the Son of God is innocent. Let no dark sign of crucifixion intervene between the journey and its purpose; between the acceptance of the truth and its expression. This week we celebrate life, not death. And we honor the perfect purity of the Son of God, and not his sins. Offer your brother the gift of lilies, not the crown of thorns; the gift of love and not the "gift" of fear. You stand beside your brother, thorns in one hand and lilies in the other, uncertain which to give. Join now with me and throw away the thorns, offering the lilies to replace them. This Easter I would have the gift of your forgiveness offered by you to me, and returned by me to you. We cannot be united in crucifixion and in death. Nor can the resurrection be complete till your forgiveness rests on Christ, along with mine." (T-20.I.2)

Jesus became a model of rebirth; a realization which is already in our minds, in the form of the Holy Spirit. Jesus' resurrection is our reawakening to the Truth.

"It is in your power, in time, to delay the perfect union of the Father and the Son. For in this world, the attraction of guilt does stand between them. Neither time nor season means anything in eternity. But here it is the Holy Spirit’s function to use them both, though not as the ego uses them. This is the season when you would celebrate my birth into the world. Yet you know not how to do it. Let the Holy Spirit teach you, and let me celebrate your birth through Him. The only gift I can accept of you is the gift I gave to you. Release me as I choose your own release. The time of Christ we celebrate together, for it has no meaning if we are apart." (T-15.X.1)

A poem by Helen Schucman, scribe of A Course in Miracles, which was one of the last poems Helen wrote.

THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE

        You think Him dead Who rose again for you,

        And so you cannot see the shining light

        In which you are delivered. Come, My child,

        And judge Him not. He is not dead. So bright

        His radiance that nothing still remains

        Obscured from Heaven in the doubt of night.

        So still the birth you did not understand

        Who came to you. Before your frightened eyes

        The Lord of light and life appears to fail

        His promises of Heaven's grace, and dies

        Forever on a cross. Nor can you see

        The Child of hope Who in a manger lies.

        The wise are silent. Stand you by a while

        And let the wise men show you what they see

        That came of you from stillness and from peace

        Which rest in you, but speak to them of Me.

        And then be comforted. The living Lord

        Has come again where He has willed to be.

        Wait now for morning. In the silence hear

        The winged whispering that hails the Son

        In quiet certainty and lovely calm

        Whom death released to life. He is the One

        For Whom you wait. Then look again on Him,

        And join His benediction, "It is done."

Luscious Lemon Love ~ Body Spa

A small evergreen tree native to Asia, bearing it's yellow fruit, has been used for culinary and non-culinary purposes throughout the world, primarily for its juice. The origin of the lemon is unknown, though lemons are thought to have first grown in a region in northeast India, northern Burma, and China.

The lemon was introduced to the Americas in 1493 when Christopher Columbus brought lemon seeds on his voyages. Spanish conquest throughout the New World, helped spread the lemon seeds. It was mainly used as an ornamental plant and for medicine. In the 19th century, lemons were increasingly planted in Florida and California.

In the mid 1700s, though vitamin C was not yet known, James Lind's experiments on seamen suffering from scurvy involved adding lemon juice to their diets.

Lemon oil may be used in aromatherapy, which does not influence the human immune system, but may enhance mood. The low pH of juice makes it antibacterial, and in India, the lemon is used in Indian traditional medicines.

Take time to pamper yourself ~

Everyone needs a little me time, and setting aside a little bit of time for yourself isn't too much to ask. Take the time to pamper yourself - treat yourself well! Here are some ways to pamper yourself with Luscious Lemon Love.

Note: Some people may have a severe chemical reaction when their skin is exposed to lemon juice and sunlight (called phytophotodermatitis). Lemon juice should not be left on the skin for extended periods of time. When using lemon juice and other skin-lightening products, always use sunscreen and avoid unnecessary time in the sun.  If careful about how long the lemon juice is left on the skin, and in what conditions it is applied, you should find lemon juice to be a pretty effective skin lightener.

 

Lemons move from kitchen to bathroom ~

Compared to a multitude of products we might purchase from the beauty counter, lemon juice is easily obtainable and relatively low in cost. Lemon juice has many benefits when applied directly to the hair and skin.

Hair Lightener - Spending time in the sun is an easy and effective way to naturally highlight your hair. The process of highlighting your hair brings out its natural golden hues. If you want to speed up the process, lemon juice applied to your hair before sun exposure will give you natural looking sunny highlights.

• Squeeze the juice of one lemon into a bowl, or spray bottle with an equal amount of water - shake well.

• Spray the lemon mixture concentrating on a few strands, or for a more precise application you can dip a cotton ball into the lemon juice and rub it on a few strands. The more you apply, the lighter your hair will get.

• Sun-dry your hair for approximately 20-30 minutes, then wash and condition, thoroughly rinsing .

• (Note: due to the acidity in the lemon juice, bleaching your hair too often can damage it by drying it out.)

Dry Scalp - Lemon juice has antibacterial properties that will alleviate dry and itchy scalp and dandruff. Apply it liberally, leaving in for 5-10 minutes, then shampoo.

See also natural hair conditioners.

Teeth Whitener - Mix approximately 1 good teaspoon of baking soda with just enough fresh lemon juice (or water) to make a paste. The mixture will bubble. Wipe your teeth and any extra saliva off of them with a paper towel. Put a good amount of paste onto your toothbrush and apply. Leave the paste on for 1 minute, then rinse to avoid the acid effecting the enamel. If you are using just water you can leave it on for up to 3 minutes. Do this once a week.

Lemon juice is rich in alpha hydroxy acids ~

Use lemon juice, or diluted lemon juice, as a toner or astringent, applying it with a cotton ball to the facial and neck area, followed up with a moisturizer.

Diminish Scars and Age Spots - Applying lemon juice to the skin can diminish discolored areas caused by scars and age spots, and some skin disorders. Apply directly to the discolored area(s) at bedtime, leaving the lemon juice on the skin overnight, and washing it off in the morning.

Combat Wrinkles - By massaging lemon juice into fine lines and wrinkles, the acidity helps skin look brighter and younger, replenishing the skin's depleted vitamin C levels.

Acne and Blackheads - Lemon juice has a natural antibacterial property that unblocks clogged pores,  fighting acne, and reducing the frequency and severity of blackheads, as well as helping to prevent further breakouts. The antioxidant L-ascorbic acid in lemons is also the same active ingredient in store-bought acne products. If you leave lemon juice on the acne and blackheads over night, be sure to wash it off in the morning.

Tone and Brighten Oily Skin - Other benefits of using lemon juice on the skin besides brightening or lightening the skin, include moisturizing and toning oily skin. Apply lemon juice to the oily areas, then rinse with cool water.

Exfoliates - Lemon juice can be used as a natural "skin peel", since the citric acid gently removes the top layer of dead skin cells, resulting in a smooth complexion when regularly used.

Relieves Sunburn - Gently washing the face with lemon juice and equal parts of water can be a remedy to relieve the pain of sunburn, cooling the burn. It also promotes healing and acts as a disinfectant preventing peeling and blisters.

Full Body Treatment - Add approximately 1/2 cup of lemon juice to a warm bath and soak for 15-20 minutes. Unless your skin is extremely dry, it is not necessary to rinse afterwards.

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Moving Towards Grace

If someone were to ask me to describe my younger self, I would have said I was extremely shy, preferring to blend into the background of life. Now, however, I suppose the correct label would be 'oppressed introvert'. In part, it was due to my personality and also it was my way of building a wall of protection around myself. Ironically, this worked only until someone needed a scapegoat to feed their narcissistic appetite; then I lit up like a neon sign.

By the time I was in my mid to late twenties, my personality changed dramatically. Becoming bitter and angry about my lot in life, from being knocked down and kicked while I was down there, I came to face life and everyone in it with utter contempt. With the slightest provocation, I would tear them to shreds with my razor sharp words. I was a version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, morphing without a moment's notice. If my daughter happened to be near during one of these episodes, she would saunter away pretending not to know me. This personality change was not something I consciously decided to do or become, but was a gradual shift. It was something that I was very aware of, but didn't seem to have the know how to control.

I lived this way for many years until one day I 'woke up' and realized I HAD to make a change somehow. Going through life being angry all the time was extremely exhausting and this wasn't the real me. Deep down, I really didn't want to hurt anyone else; it was my protective armour. The real me was somewhere underneath this charade.

There's a Buddhist proverb that says, “When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” I had a hunger for spiritual information and knowledge … anything I could get my hands on. I started on my journey towards God. I read many books, watched PBS programs, youtube videos, and visited various spiritual websites. There seemed to be an endless buffet of resources. I went from one thing to another, and kept feeding the hunger, never getting enough. It would be a couple of years later that I would be given a book called A Course in Miracles. This seemed to be 'the one', the spiritual fit that was right for me. The undoing was also a gradual process as I walked towards God, in an attempt to leave the ego's tyrannical ways behind me.

Along the way, I picked up this phrase, in the form of a question, "What would Jesus do?", that I carried around with me in the back of my mind. This became an incredibly helpful tool to use in a situation that would otherwise have been resolved by an egoic reaction.

One evening, the end of a work day, I boarded a transit bus and sat myself in an aisle seat near the back. I proceeded to get my mp3 player out and put on my headphones. I sat back with my eyes closed and listened to music while I transitioned out the work self into the personal self. Every once in a while, when the bus was at a stop, I would open my eyes to see who was getting on. At one particular stop, a group of 3 or 4 teenagers, of about 14 or 15 years of age, got on. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just a noticing. There was only standing room left, and they positioned themselves just behind me and to my left. I closed my eyes again and as we were travelling along, I felt the sting of a slap across my face, my eyes flying open in surprise. I had been practicing mind watching for a while at this point, and was very aware of the thoughts that came up. The first which was, 'this is a test', soon followed by my default question, "What would Jesus do?" Then I was aware of the thought, "Do something, this was done on purpose, probably a dare," very obviously the ego speaking. Another thought soon arose, "They probably just lost their grip and went off balance", which was no doubt my higher self. It was as if my mind had been split into three entities, the ego, the higher self, and my personal self which was observing this banter, of which also had the choice of which action was going to be taken.

I suddenly became aware of the silence in that area of the bus, as if time had stood still awaiting my response. Finally, I made a decision. I removed my headphones, turned slightly in my seat, and smiled (somewhere between a smirk and a smile) up at the group of teens, resumed my position and put my headphones back on, enjoying the rest of the trip home. The decision I came to in those few seconds was: if it was an accident, I would have made a utter fool of myself by getting up and ranting and raving and possibly embarrassing the teens (as would have been my old way of handling things). On the other hand, if it was done on purpose, I failed to provide them the satisfaction they were looking for by my non-reaction to the situation.

A couple of years later, I watched the movie Tree of Life, which had a quote or passage that seemed to envelope me. I felt the presence of God in this passage, and still do when I hear it. It was like a warm summer rain after a long parched summer.

The term 'nature' in this passage refers to the self-oriented human 'animal' nature … being apart from God, while grace of course, is the way of God.

“The nuns taught us there are two ways through life … the way of Nature… and the way of Grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow.

Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy ... when all the world is shining around it ... when love is smiling through all things.

They taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ... ever comes to a bad end.

I will be true to You. Whatever comes.”

Also, upon hearing this passage, I was taken back to that incident on the bus a few years previous, realizing that was a moment towards grace.

Miracle of Forgiveness

What is the Body?

The teachings of A Course in Miracles help us to distinguish what is real and unreal (knowledge and perception). The world we perceive (the world of time and change, of beginnings and endings) is based on our interpretation. It is a world of birth and death, scarcity, loss, and separation. It is a learned perception, inaccurate and unstable. What perception sees and hears appears to be real because it permits into awareness only the wishes of the perceiver, leading to a world of illusions, which needs constant defense.

The ego's domain of guilt and fear (an unhealed mind) has us convinced that the body is a separate entity from the mind. Until we finally accept that body and mind are together within the mind, the illusory cycle of birth and death will continue … the last Special Relationship to be healed.

"Each lily of forgiveness offers all the world the silent miracle of love." (L-341.13)

A miracle is a correction reminding the mind that what it sees is false, undoing the error. Not attempting to exceed the function for forgiveness, it stays within the limits of 'time'. Forgiveness is the home of miracles.

We go through our illusory lives, the ego mind or 'small self' unconsciously pushing and packing unwanted emotions and feelings away, that we just don't want to deal with. While in theory, it seems like a good plan of action, it is in actuality causing havoc in 'the world' and keeping us away from experiencing true peace and joy.

When one becomes a student of A Course in Miracles, they can be assured that life as they have known it will shift and change. The familiar will start to fall away, as the ego mind twists and churns in childlike tantrums. False beliefs and concepts are being flushed out of hiding. Some of the changes are subtle, while others are of significance.

A couple of years ago, for me, the onset of this shift was soon in motion and there was no turning back. I sold my house and moved closer to my parents to help them out. About three months after the move, my parents started receiving help from various outside sources, therefore no longer requiring my assistance. There was a lot of pent up anger, rage and resentment being flushed up, which was directed towards them and the situation, even at the course. I resented the fact that I had come into contact with A Course in Miracles, as if it were some ancient curse.

Though subsconsciously, I was still using the tools. My mind was flitting through thoughts such as, you did this, you created this mess, you can't undo it, what now! I then turned that anger and rage towards myself, realizing that I was responsible for creating the situations outside myself, all the while the ego is screaming, "Look what YOU'VE done … this is SACRIFICE".

This dis-ease became a disease, and the body became very sick. I lost hair by the handfuls, weight dropped to 94 lbs, was dehydrated, and heart racing. After being diagnosed with Graves Disease and prescribed medication, my health was still on the decline. I felt like I was literally disappearing - the ego wanted to obliterate me.




A couple of months into this, my health was still declining. I worked at trying to forgive the illness, the fact that I was taking medication (magic), and even the fact that someone had to 'care' for me. I was too weak to care for myself, to walk, or even immerse myself in conversation (I felt like death), so was staying with a friend. One evening, while sitting near the computer as my friend was conversing with another friend via skype about the course, there was some mention of 'guilt' and 'magic'. Suddenly, the 'light switch' went on for me. I then realized that it was the guilt that I needed to forgive; not the illness or the medication. I had to go deeper and forgive the guilt that I was holding onto.

I went to bed that night and I listed off everything that I felt guilty about and everyone I was angry with, including myself, and sincerely forgave. Following that, I gave gratitude for everything that was given or shown to me. The next morning when I got, I immediately knew there was something different; I could feel the life back in my body. I went downstairs, had a coffee, chatted for awhile, then said, "You know, I feel great, I think I'm going to go home."

Related post: People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health

"The body is a fence the Son of God imagines he has built, to separate parts of his Self from other parts. It is within this fence he thinks he lives, to die as it decays and crumbles. For within this fence he thinks that he is safe from love. Identifying with his safety, he regards himself as what his safety is. How else could he be certain he remains within the body, keeping love outside?

The body will not stay. Yet this he sees as double safety. For the Son of God's impermanence is "proof" his fences work, and do the task his mind assigns to them. For if his oneness still remained untouched, who could attack and who could be attacked? Who could be victor? Who could be his prey? Who could be victim? Who the murderer? And if he did not die, what "proof" is there that God's eternal Son can be destroyed?

The body is a dream. Like other dreams it sometimes seems to picture happiness, but can quite suddenly revert to fear, where every dream is born. For only love creates in truth, and truth can never fear. Made to be fearful, must the body serve the purpose given it. But we can change the purpose that the body will obey by changing what we think that it is for.

The body is the means by which God's Son returns to sanity. Though it was made to fence him into hell without escape, yet has the goal of Heaven been exchanged for the pursuit of hell. The Son of God extends his hand to reach his brother, and to help him walk along the road with him. Now is the body holy. Now it serves to heal the mind that it was made to kill.

You will identify with what you think will make you safe. Whatever it may be, you will believe that it is one with you. Your safety lies in truth, and not in lies. Love is your safety. Fear does not exist. Identify with love, and you are safe. Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self." (L-261.5)

Retreat at La Casa: Releasing Emotions

David and Michael lead a morning session about allowance of emotions to release the stories of the personality self. Healing abounds and need not be avoided. There is never a need to compromise when healing is the Purpose (English with Spanish translation).

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People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health

People pleasers are the nicest people you will meet. They just can't say 'no' to anyone. They are always there to help or do whatever is asked of them. They avoid getting angry because they don't want to 'rock the boat'. People pleasers are not confrontational and will go out of their way to avoid it at all costs. They spend a tremendous amount of time doing things for other people.

These sound like wonderful qualities to have … right? Well NO … not really!!

People pleasers have a deep underlying fear of rejection, being provided with only 'conditional' love, in which they may have been rejected or abandoned, or threatened with such if they didn't succumb to following through on some request. If severely punished or criticised for even the most trivial mistakes, a fear of failure will also develop.

Tendencies toward becoming a people pleaser are constructed over time. Experiences we have in our early formative years imprint us with our personalities or character traits. Parents or caregivers were most likely overly critical and emotionally unavailable. Unfavorable criticism and punishment can lead to significant anxiety upon attempting tasks.

I'm not suggesting one stop helping people altogether. Wanting to help and care for others isn't all bad, your heart is in the right place, but there has to be a healthy balance.

People pleasers tend to neglect themselves and their own needs; suffer from stress and depression; and become a 'door mat' for others. They are usually passive aggressive and become resentful of people, rarely enjoying most activities.

The universe will continually bring situations or contrasting personalities (people who take advantage of others) into our awareness until we finally get it! Each time it will be more pronounced ... louder and louder until it's screaming at us to wake up and listen!

Personally, I know it's difficult to change or let go of certain defining parts of our persona. I would consider myself to have been one of the utmost of people pleasers! It wasn't that long ago that I finally woke up to this and took a good long look at my history of what it meant to be 'nice'. I was the type of person that hated to think the worst of people, and unendingly kept getting pulled into scenarios where I felt I was being manipulated.

I had a family member move in a couple of blocks from me. He had called me one evening, asking what I was doing on such and such an evening. I responded with, "I don't have anything planned, what's up (thinking he was going to invite me to do get together with him and his wife)?" He then asked if I would mind babysitting. Of course my enthusiasm dropped like a rock. The second time he calls, I fall for it again. In both instances, I had already confirmed that I didn't have plans, so I felt obligated to do something that I didn't really want to do. Previous to this, it would be unusual to hear from him. It's usually a good sign that if someone starts calling you asking for a favour, it will be the same thereafter. So the third time, I was prepared and when asked what I was doing on a particular evening, I responded with, "I have plans and won't be available that night." Eventually he stopped calling.

Similar instances would occur at work as well. When my work was completed, I would offer to take on work from others that were extremely busy. Eventually these extra tasks would become my sole responsibility. Now, you can watch the ego mind at play here, at first feeling flattered and appreciated. But as more tasks came my way, I found I was working extra hours in the evening, and on the weekends just to keep up. Working late, six or seven days a week eventually became the norm so that by the time I got home, I would have just enough time to eat, take a shower and go to bed to get up the next morning. The job was consuming me and my life. I was becoming depressed and stressed. My passive-aggressive self did not handle things very well, and I eventually left the job.

Another family member, for over a period of two years, had been sending emails almost daily stating that they were having a difficult time with this, a hard time with that. I would offer suggestions but they would go unheeded and peter out into the great abyss. So then I had the brilliant idea to sell my house and move closer to 'help out'. Approximately three months after the move, it became evident that I was no longer needed. Here I was unemployed and seemingly in the middle of nowhere, so I made the decision to move back from whence I came. It would be a couple of months before I could get all my ducks in a row, and in the meantime I began a ritual of self-abasement. I was eventually enveloped in an overwhelming depression, which caused me to become quite ill.

Now the universe is screaming at me, and I'm finally starting to listen.

By the time I was moved back to the city, my health was deteriorating by the day. My hair was falling out by the handfuls, excessive sweating, extreme weight loss despite my appetite, extreme muscle weakness, and increased heart rate. After a couple of visits to emergency, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, which can be triggered due to stress. Despite being prescribed medication, my health continued to decline until I weighed a mere 94 lbs (5'7"). Again, in the midst of a thyroid storm (a severe and life-threatening complication of the thyroid condition), I was back in the  emergency room.

It would be a couple of days later that the 'light switch' finally went on. I am a student of A Course in Miracles, which is a spiritual self-study curriculum of self-transformation and forgiveness. Temporarily shunning the course, it was in this instant that I realized or remembered that 'I' am accountable for what occurs in my outer world, by what is held within: beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions. In order to heal one must have a change of mind, a reversal of thought. No one was at fault for how 'I' chose to perceive my circumstances and the decisions I chose to make. We ultimately teach people how to treat us. You may also be interested in reading my post on Miracle of Forgiveness for the transformation in healing.




I'm not advocating that we should stop being nice, but rather to work at 'balancing' things out. There are many ways one can be helpful without destroying your life or health. By not giving our power away, we always had and have a choice to do what 'feels' right for us.

A few situations where 'nice' doesn't feel akin to being taken advantage of, is travelling on the transit and being comfortably seated while there is standing room only left (because who really likes to stand up on a moving vehicle) and giving my seat up to someone who is on crutches, a woman that is visibly pregnant, an elderly person, or a visually impaired person; or if I'm a few feet away and I happen to see a delivery person or someone trying to get a door open while struggling with an arm load of parcels or groceries, I will go back and assist them.

Related post: Love Yourself First - Your Most Important Relationship.

I was always the go to person, only because I constantly gave of myself. But our number one priority is self-love. We can't give what we don't possess.

Love Yourself First - Your Most Important Relationship

Self-love is the love of oneself, being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses. To love yourself means caring about, taking responsibility for, respecting, and knowing your true 'self'. In order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way.

Self-love is not the same as being egocentric or narcissistic. These traits are actually the opposite of self-love. People who don't love themselves project this false self-image out to others in order to receive the admiration they desire, but they aren't happy within.

"Self-betrayal is a grievous matter. It rots the mind like cancer. The remedy lies in clarity and integrity of thinking. Try to understand that you live in a world of illusions, examine them and uncover their roots. The very attempt to do so will make you earnest, for there is bliss in right endeavor.” ~Nisargadatta

This is true … to 'not' love yourself is self-betrayal. I had such self-hate that I spent much of my life battling depression, food issues, and lashing out at people … not letting too many people get too close. I simply did not have the tools or the know how to help me deal with my emotions.

I grew up in a family of six, my three younger brothers, and my parents Being the oldest and the only female, I was treated differently. However, my parents would and have disputed that. My parents favored my two youngest brothers. Nothing I said or did was good enough or right enough. I just never fit in. I became outspoken and rebellious , and out-of-control, until I couldn't take it any longer. So at seventeen, I packed up a few things and left.

By this time, my destiny seemed to be cast in stone, continuing through a life of unworthiness. I would look for love in all the wrong places, attracting relationships that were reminiscent of my family. I ended up in an eight year relationship with a man that was emotionally and physically abusive. I asked myself, why and what was it all for? In my early thirties now, I finally had hit my breaking point, and made the decision to end that relationship, more for my daughter than for myself. Nonetheless, this decision would be the catalyst that would change my life and myself.

It certainly wasn't an overnight transition. The years of building layer upon layer of self-hatred and self-sabotage, like rings on a tree trunk, now had to be peeled away. It's an ongoing process day after day, month after month, and year after year.

Looking back, I have no regrets. All has been forgiven. Everything that has happened in my life has made me the person I am today. I am a stronger person for it all. I refuse to shrink or make myself small for someone else's comfort or for people who refuse to grow.

So how does one go about transitioning from self-hate to self-love? Take one, two, or three things and work with it. A sense of accomplishment can also boost one's self-esteem. Trying to make a 180 degree turn all at once may become overwhelming.

1. Acknowledgement

Acknowledging how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself is a good starting point. How you feel about yourself is shown to you in the world around you. The conflict outside you is the conflict inside you--they are not separate.

2. Forgiveness

Forgiving those who have hurt you is a key component to healing. Parents, caregivers, spouses, friends, etc. are dealing with their own childhood grievances and issues of self-hatred, projecting it out onto those around them. Forgive yourself! You did not have the tools or knowledge to deal with your own and everyone else's emotions.

3. Journaling

This is a great way to express yourself , helping you gain a new perspective, changing negative thought patterns, and stopping your inner critic from holding you back.

4. Meditation

There are many benefits to meditating. Resting your mind in silence and peace, meditation can help you become more aware, consciousness, bringing you into the body and strengthening the immune system. The body loves your attention … every cell awakens.

“In meditation, healing can happen. When the mind is calm, alert and totally contented, then it is like a laser beam – it is very powerful and healing can happen.” - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

5. Creativity / Fun

Spend time having 'fun' … life should be enjoyed. Most of us have a passion for something. I had always admired people who could paint and wished that I could. I would tell myself that I can't draw, so I couldn't paint. Then a couple of years ago, I decided to at least try … the world won't fall apart. I looked up some videos on youtube, and I was off buying art supplies.

I'm no Michelangelo or Monet, but I thoroughly enjoy painting, and that's what counts. It's something close to a meditation for me. I can lose myself in it. You can view my video album of my 'artwork' here, if you wish.

6. Clean House

I find that having my house in disarray affects my mood. I put on some upbeat music and get to it. Once I'm finished cleaning I feel much better. Getting rid of stuff that you don't use is great for lifting your spirits too. I do this about once a year and have even found things I didn't even remember I had let alone didn't use any longer. Someone else could make better use of something that is just collecting dust otherwise.

7. Have a Cause

Find a cause that you are passionate about. It doesn't have to be anything grandiose, every small thing that we can do to help another can be a 'big' contribution. Small acts when multiplied by millions of people can transform the world. I am an animal lover, and I think I would adopt every one that needed a home if I could. I have recently started signing every petition that comes into my awareness. My one signature, in the end, may make all the difference for that particular cause. It's not a big thing, but I feel better doing something for another being.

8. Eating Right

I have recently become a vegetarian. I have to admit, however, that it wasn't for the health benefits, even though that is a big plus. I would often see these videos or information come through my timeline on facebook about the atrocities of which factory farm animals face, but could never bring myself to watch them due to my discomfort of 'knowing' what I might see. I was also aware of the guilt that was arising within me from avoiding the situation. So finally, I 'prepared' myself to watch a few of the videos, and it was after that when I made my decision to become a vegetarian.

9. Self-Discipline

Practicing self-discipline or self-control (staying motivated and on track) is a sign of inner strength and can be great for boosting your self-esteem. This inner strength will help you to overcome procrastination and provide will-power to overcome any addicting habits. (Still working on this one.)

10. Getting Enough Sleep

I think most of us are aware that if we don't get proper rest, we can become our 'evil twin'. We go through the day 'unconsciously'—being unaware and just going through the motions. We might do things without thinking it through, we become easily triggered in anger or other emotional outbursts. Getting proper rest makes for a healthy mind and body.

11. Being Alone Doesn't Mean Lonely

When I first got divorced, I felt 'embarrassed' about not being in a relationship, about going out and about by myself. Well, I gave those thoughts up long ago. What someone else thinks of me has no impact any longer. Most of those thoughts were created in my own mind anyway. And if someone does have issues with someone being alone, it is a reflection of their own insecurities. Spending time alone is significant in nurturing your relationship with yourself. As a matter of fact, it is crucial to spend time alone with yourself. How better to get to know the real you. I'm living my life happily and I quite enjoy my own company now. I don't have to answer to anyone, I can come and go as I please … I am my own person.

12. No People Pleasing

If you have plans or just don't feel like doing something … don't. We tend to want people to like us, or just don't want to rock the boat so we continuously put our own needs and wants aside. Most people won't appreciate your sacrifices. Some people will tend to think you should always be there for them without any consideration of you. You will, in all likelihood, tend to be the person who feels like they are being used or manipulated and you won't be happy. And when you do refuse to set your life aside, there is no need for explaining yourself.

We teach people how to treat us. If we don't have self-respect, neither will anyone else respect us. During the process of this transition, you will likely have family and 'friends' fall away out of your life. This has been the case for me, but as I mentioned earlier on, I refuse to shrink or make myself small for someone else's comfort or for people who refuse to grow. If someone wants to be in my life and treat me with the respect I deserve, they will be there … if not, they won't. I can only change myself, I have no control over anyone else, nor would I want to.


See also post on People Pleasing: Bad for Your Health.

Good luck on your journey of 'self' discovery and transition.

Art Video Album

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ~ Thomas Merton